League mascot · booth installation
Ryan LeafDon't talk to me, alright? Knock it off. I am three beers past a good idea and I just brain-chipped Cris Collinsworth & Al Michaels in a Holiday Inn ballroom.
See the squares in their foreheads? That was me. Cris said yes because he could talk about hips. Al said yes because I promised a steakhouse. The steakhouse is a vending machine. They recap your ugly matchups. I come back at the end with ten dollars. Take it away, booth. Try not to make out on my desk.
Broadcast booth · Week 2 recap
Cris Collinsworth & Al Michaels
Al Michaels
Welcome back to ryanleaffantasy.club, where hope goes to miss curfew and a drunk mascot just installed hardware in my skull. Week 2 is locked. ESPN checked the sofa cushions and closed the book. The number of the night is 222.3, it belongs to Ray Fifield, and for those of you with a rooting interest... or perhaps an interest of a different sort... the over is already on a gurney. I have a 4:30 dinner reservation from the Ford administration. Fascinating. The chip itches.
Cris Collinsworth
(Slides into the booth, knocks over Al's water, claims it was torque.) Al, come on! Don't do that! Because NOW, HERE'S A GUY... actually, Al, here are two guys, and I gotta tell ya, look at the hairlines. Just look at 'em!
Fight for the Follicles
Aaron StoneJurassic Barkley:Amon a Rampage125.4
Derrick MontyTim's Daddy126.4Derrick now leads the all-time series 9-3 after 12 meetings.
Cris Collinsworth
Match of the Week is Aaron Stone vs Derrick Monty, and they named it Fight for the Follicles because both of these men are thinning up top like a PFF coverage grade in a hurricane. I tell ya, Al, here's a guy in Aaron named Saquon Barkley who finished 4.0 and left 18.4 in the training room. Malik Nabers was questionable and finished 1.1 of a 15.0 line. Derrick started Jaxson Dart, who left after 0.8 of a 22.0 projection, and the rest never came back. Hee-hee! 126.4 to 125.4. Derrick won it by a hair with a quarterback who did not finish. Series is 9-3 after 12 meetings.
Al Michaels
Fascinating. In 1980 at Lake Placid I asked if you believe in miracles. Tonight two lineups left the hospital and the projections died there. Dart finished at 0.8. Saquon finished at 4.0. ESPN locked the week with both leftovers still in the training room. Good grief. One point. Significant to some. Aaron needed one of those Saquon points and he is 1-1 instead of 0-2.
Adam ValdezPray The Ray Away!143.4
Kevin MaloneyAdam has now 8 a$s159.4Adam still leads Kevin 14-9 after 23 meetings.
Al Michaels
Adam Valdez at Kevin Maloney. The acting commissioner versus last week's ten-dollar man. Adam still leads the all-time series 14-9 after 23 meetings, which is a lot of meetings for a man who is 0-2 and still sending the dues spreadsheet. Kevin won it 159.4 to 143.4. Mike Evans finished questionable at 8.4, and the rest of that projection never showed. Colston Loveland put up 1.3 of a 11.5 dream. The stadium is still not in the city it claims to represent, and neither is that tight end.
Cris Collinsworth
Now, here's a guy who scored 199.6 last week and followed it with 159.4 like it was a cooldown jog! Kevin, Al! Look at the hips on that still-employed explosion. Jayden Daniels went doubtful and still dropped 18.5, which is more than Adam got from Evans and Loveland combined. Two weeks, two wins, and the Venmo from Week 1 already has a roommate.
Timothy TurnerThe Terrible Twos125.5
Jason DodgeDodge Balls157.5Jason now leads Tim 6-4 after 10 meetings.
Cris Collinsworth
Timothy Turner, the defending champ, at Jason Dodge, the 2024 champ. I gotta tell ya, Al, this is two guys who have recently touched a trophy and immediately started acting like they invented football. Jason just dropped 157.5 on 125.5 and took the series 6-4 after 10 meetings, and he did it with Caleb Williams going doubtful after 8.0 of a 23.9 projection. The Terrible Twos versus Dodge Balls. The champ brought Dallas Goedert, who left 9.4 on the gurney.
Al Michaels
You've got to be kidding me. Two champions in one booth, one injured quarterback, and the defending champ still got stood up by 32.0. Goedert's leftover projection would not have saved him. I covered the '72 Dolphins, Cris, and this is not that. I have seen empires fall with more dignity than that flex.
Tommy NewtonTwo Montys One Kupp146.9
Ray FifieldSweet baby Rays biitch sauce!222.3Tommy still leads Ray 6-4 after 10 meetings.
Al Michaels
Tommy Newton at Ray Fifield. Tommy still leads the series 6-4 after 10 meetings, which is a polite way of saying the history book has not checked this week's mail. Ray held a fistful of novelty bills in the cover photo. That was not a mix-up. That was a 222.3 to 146.9 beating, and he did it with DJ Moore finishing at 0.2 and leaving the rest of his projection in the dirt like a houseplant. Alec Pierce was doubtful for Tommy and finished 2.1. For those of you with a rooting interest... the over is deceased, and so is that wide receiver.
Cris Collinsworth
Now, here's a guy, Ray, who put a week on the board so loud they handed him the banner and the cash in the same photo. And here's a guy, Tommy, who scored 179.8 in Week 1 and lost, then scored 146.9 in Week 2 and lost again, which is the most Leafian double feature I have seen since someone air-mailed a boundary pass into the club seats. Oh man! The hips, Al. The potential. The 0-2. Hee-hee!
Zane MitchellFellowship of the Ring118.8
Dustin MillsLeft for Dead in...East County?117.9Zane now leads Dustin 6-4 after 10 meetings.
Cris Collinsworth
Zane Mitchell, paper commissioner, at Dustin Mills, who came back from the dead in East County and immediately started Zay Flowers for 0.0. OUT. Not questionable. Not a projection blinking on the wire. A zero. I look at Jadarian Price in the flex, sitting on leftover projection after a 9.3 night, and I look at Zane surviving 118.8 to 117.9 like it was a goal-line stand. Hee-hee! Series is 6-4 Zane after 10 meetings. Dustin lost by 0.9 with a ghost in the WR slot.
Al Michaels
Fascinating. The paper commissioner versus the man who titled his team like a zombie movie, decided by a kicker's fingernail, and the zombie started a wide receiver who did not play. I would like to go home. I am old enough to remember when a touchdown was worth something and the kickers wore leather helmets. Tonight a leather helmet, or Flowers, might have been the difference.
2026 standings through Week 2
| # | Owner | Rec | PF | PA |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Ray Fifield | 2-0 | 366.6 | 270.8 |
| 2 | Kevin Maloney | 2-0 | 359.0 | 323.2 |
| 3 | Jason Dodge | 2-0 | 352.3 | 268.5 |
| 4 | Zane Mitchell | 2-0 | 264.3 | 238.5 |
| 5 | Timothy Turner | 1-1 | 275.9 | 297.6 |
| 6 | Derrick Monty | 1-1 | 269.3 | 320.2 |
| 7 | Tommy Newton | 0-2 | 326.7 | 421.9 |
| 8 | Adam Valdez | 0-2 | 264.0 | 304.8 |
| 9 | Dustin Mills | 0-2 | 258.0 | 269.2 |
| 10 | Aaron Stone | 0-2 | 249.2 | 270.7 |
Al Michaels
Top 6 still make the playoffs. Four men are 2-0. Tommy is 0-2 with 326.7 points, which is a playoff offense trapped in a losing record, and I have been 190 years old long enough to know that is the cruelest seat at the table. The week is locked. Venmo Ray.
Cris Collinsworth
Look at the hips. Look at the hairlines. Look at Ray. He turned a Holiday Inn photo into a box score. Hee-hee!
League mascot · $10 presentation
Ryan LeafI'm back. I spilled a beer on the visor. Highest score of Week 2 gets ten dollars, and I am still the only man in this building qualified to hold cash.
Ray Fifield. 222.3. That is the Venmo. You already posed with the cash in the photo, so we can skip the humility speech. Take the ten. Buy more sauce. Ask me about growth and I will ask you about my deep ball.